on patience & how I am learning to trust

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       I am not always a patient person. I don’t mind waiting in lines, mostly because I love to people watch, and I almost always have a book with me. I have a lot of patience when it comes to children, mostly because I don’t have any of my own, I think. I believe I am a mostly patient person, but there is one of area of my life that I have like zero to none patience for. 

I am not at all patient when it comes to waiting on God.

       I know there is this big thing going around now about “not waiting on God” and taking control of your circumstances and I think that is true to some extent. But I think there are two sides to that way of thinking. For example, if you need a job, you should probably write a resume, apply for some jobs, and go on some interviews. It is your responsibility to try, to do, to get out there, to apply. If you want to write a book, you have to do the work that makes a book. You have to write daily, research, show up, find your voice. You have to do the work. There is, however, nothing you can do about the result. When the book is finished, when the interview is over, all you can do is wait and see what God will do.

      The hard part for me is the waiting. When I do those things, when I show up, apply, write, I feel great. I feel like I am in control, great things are going to happen, etc. And then that one job doesn’t call me to offer me a job. I show up to the computer, and the words are too loose, too fragmented, awkward. I become frustrated. I blame God, I become discouraged. I just want to scream, “I’m doing everything I can!” My frustration comes from not understanding, not trusting God to provide and having to release control of what I try to hold so tightly to. 

      I believe God is teaching me that sometimes, things just don’t work out. And I have to be okay with that.I believe, in a way, He is saying, “That’s life, honey, and it’s confusing, and frustrating, and hard at times. But that does not mean I don’t care for you, and that I won’t provide for you. So calm down, keep your eyes on Me, and Trust me. Come to Me, tell Me, let Me help you. You are only making yourself miserable by worrying, and getting upset. You are not alone in this. Trust in Me.”

      Maybe you understand a bit of what it means to wait on God, and maybe, just maybe, you get a bit frustrated too. I don’t know what it means when a prayer isn’t answered, or a call doesn’t come when you expected it to, but I do know that our God is amazing. His ways are unknown to us, but I believe our faith is that much sweeter and stronger because of that. I am praying for you, for the ones who are a little lost, a little frustrated and a little unsure. Trust in Him. Believe in His goodness. 

Steffanie xo

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