I’ve written so often about the season that my husband and I just came out of, that I feel as if I have said all I can say. And then I realize that I am not done learning yet, that God still has something to show me. My husband and I have had quite a few conversations lately about God’s timing, and what it means, and how His timing is infinitely better than our timing. Always. There is not a single instance where God has failed us, left us alone, or abandoned us. Although it did feel like it for a while, we realized at how many times He provided for us, in big ways and small. This is one of the big ways.
Very recently, I accepted a new job working for an amazing team. I was in the process of applying for new jobs, searching for a part-time one to match up with my husband’s schedule, one that would allow me to love on people and work with a team that I cared for. I applied everywhere, at stores, at libraries. I did this for 3-4 months, all the while teaching dance classes and praying for God to provide money for our bills. I prayed for the perfect position at first, for the perfect company, the perfect team. Then I began to pray for anything, whatever I could do, whether it was selling books or selling burgers, I didn’t care. I just needed a job.
I remember the day I went and interviewed for a position at Starbucks. I was so excited just to be able to have the interview, to be considered. The pay wasn’t great but at least it was a job and it was close. The interview went well, and I left feeling confident about the outcome. I took my vanilla latte with me to my car, and drove home. A few nights later, I prayed in front of Starbucks, circling the building and praying for God to just give me this job. I would use it so well to serve You. Please, please, please.
A week after the interview, no call, no job offer.
I was consumed by discouragement. I felt as if I would always be jobless, always be struggling financially, always be disappointed. I prayed and prayed, over and over, for something to come open for me. I felt defeated. I wondered what the point of it all was, prayer I mean, if I wasn’t going to have any answered. I doubted, prayed some more, and doubted again. I cried, I got angry, and I questioned God. I was scared of not having enough and at the same time, tried to trust that God was enough.
I was desperate.
One night, a few weeks later, I was online job searching. I had just finished dinner, and was mindlessly scrolling through listings. I suddenly had an idea to post on Facebook that I was looking for a job. I immediately discarded the idea and kept scrolling. Weirdly, my internet stopped working. I shut my computer and sighed, irritated and frustrated. And I heard it again, “Put it on Facebook.” Now, this may not seem like a big deal to you, but I was purposefully avoiding putting my lack of a job on Facebook. It meant that I needed help, that I didn’t have it all together, that I needed to trust God to make something work out. I fought the idea of it, because I was scared I would be judged, “Steffanie is looking for another job?! What on earth is she doing with her life?” I imagined my “friends” to be looking at their screens in disgust, refraining from telling me to get my act together. Of course, this is not true and regardless, it shouldn’t matter, but I worried about it, so I kept ignoring the push. All night, I kept thinking about it, posting it on Facebook, and suddenly I realized that I was being crazy. And a coward. It seems so simple now, looking back, but in that moment I had a choice on whether to trust God and listen to the Spirit, or to ignore them both and live in fear of what others may think. I have lived this way for so long, and that night, I decided to make a tiny step in the other direction. I went back to my computer (which was magically reconnected to the internet), and posted on Facebook.
That night, I received a comment from a good friend/mentor that I hadn’t seen in a while, whose office was hiring for part-time help. I messaged her back saying that I was interested and I was set to interview the next week. I interviewed that Monday, was hired, and started work that same week for an amazing team of people. The job is everything I never knew I was looking for. My team is amazing, and helpful and loving and encouraging, and the people I work for are just the same. The hours are perfect for this season in our lives, and the pay is great. But more than those things, God did some serious work in my heart that week. He taught me that no matter how dark it seems, no matter how discouraging a situation may seem, He is always working for the good of those who love Him. Always, He is good.
What I learned and am continuing to learn, is that God’s timing is perfect. Although we may not see how and we may not think He is listening at all, He is. If I had gotten the job at Starbucks, I wouldn’t be working with the people I do now. I wouldn’t have the schedule to keep up with my writing and serving at my church the way I do now. I wouldn’t have time for my Lifegroup. God knows how important these things are to me, so all He asked for was a little faith, and a step of confidence. He provided me with a blessing, a gift, something so perfectly compatible with who I am and what I needed. I am so blessed and so fortunate to be loved by such a good God.
I pray that you come to know how perfectly loving our God is. This week, as we celebrate Easter, thank God for the timing of His son, the perfect sacrifice, the Risen King. Thank Him, even if it seems you have nothing to be thankful for, and watch for His timing, You’ll be amazed, my friends.