I am almost a professional worrier. If there were a gold medal in over-thinking or obsessing, especially regarding a circumstance that has not (and likely will not) occur, I would win it. Hands down. I worry about all the things; whether they have or have not happened. I worry about small things and big things, things I’ve said, that one weird thing I did last week. I worry about how much pizza I eat and how it’s affecting my heart and how one day, I may need a bypass because of it. I worry that most people only pretend to like me, or that they like my sister more because she’s the nice twin. (She really is.)
I over-think everything.
It started young. My eight year old self worried often. She worried about her frizzy hair, her grades, about her mom being okay. She worried about her dog, and her responsibilities, and the kid who got bullied alot in her class. She worried so much that she regularly threw up at school; filled to the brim with nerves and anxiety.
Thankfully, that sweet, book-nerd of a child was introduced to Jesus, and nice people who taught her how to be okay with being a worrier. They taught her that it’s okay to be someone who takes a little coaxing into new situations; that she would likely always be someone who obsessed over things: but that it could be lived with as long as she learned to push through it. Those sweet people read her books; they held her hand, and they held her when she cried. They let her vent her worries. But then they challenged her to keep going. Be nervous, but keep thriving.
I am still that girl. I prefer time (and wine) to make a decision. I hate most changes, and will resist them 90% of the time. I need to over think: to process, analyze, breathe for a minute. I still, thankfully, have some of those amazing people in my life who get it: they bring me wine, pizza, and books. They laugh with me, they hold my hand, and they push me on. They let me over think, but they also let me know I can’t just stay there.
Worrier friends: you won’t likely be someone who is 100% confident in who you are. In fact, you may never be a confident person. And I believe it’s okay to say that; hell, even to accept it. You’ll have bad days, and you might make life a little harder by being such a worrier/obsesser/psycho– but it will all be okay. Grab your people or a good book and obsess about it. Eat some pizza and over-think it- but then do something. Make life happen.
You can rest easy knowing that there is a girl in your corner: raising her glass to you, cheering you on.
Keep going, you nervous fools.